5 Ways We Hurt Our Relationships

As Malcolm Fraser so famously put it back in 1971, “Life wasn’t meant to be easy”. Such a simple phrase, and one we hear often as a response to complaints or whinges of any kind, but did you know those words were taken from a phrase written by Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw. The actual original words were…

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From words of gloom to words meant to inspire and encourage you. If Malcolm had not overlooked the second half of the playwright’s sentence his message to the Australian public would have been so different. In the true context its a rather uplifting quote and one I have printed and put on the door of my fridge.

Life isn’t easy… damn straight it’s not. Our day to day lives take effort and lots of planning and believe me, most evenings all I feel like doing is sitting down with a cup of tea and not moving from the couch. But it’s not just our time that has to be managed, our ideas and attitudes can undermine our relationships no matter how hard we work at it.

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Below is a list of some of the mistakes we can make that cause stress and sometimes heartbreak in our relationships.

1. Sometimes we hold our tongues about things that bother or upset us, either because we don’t want to hurt our partner, or because we are trying to win and argument. What one person may find is a small and insignificant problem could be more important to someone else. Have you ever felt surprised that such a little issue became such a big problem? Keeping quiet and not talking to your partner reflects a lack of empathy or caring and can be harmful to any relationship.

2. It is normal to want to defend ourselves when we hear something that sounds like criticism. Instead of listening to the rest of what the person is trying to say, we interrupt to explain or defend ourselves, or we completely switch off and walk away. Your partner needs you to listen, to provide you support and guidance. If you can’t listen to the person you love, it will only create distance between you.

3. When you are single, spending your hard earned money on what ever you like is no big deal. You are after all the only one who has to pay the consequences. When you are with someone in a long-term relationship, it is important that you both take care of household necessities first, if there’s anything left over, you should talk to your partner about what should be done with it. If you’re spending money as if it was “your” money and nobody else has a right to tell you what to do with it, your relationship isn’t going to be a smooth one. It’s about planning and building your future together.

4. There are times when a good argument is fundamental to your relationship. It can help bring out those little annoying topics you want to work out before they become a great big argument. You know- things like your partner always leaves his smelly boots inside, or maybe your partner sits up too late at night reading in bed with the light on which makes it difficult for him to sleep (hmmm – guilty lol) Arguing doesn’t mean you disrespect or hurt your partner, it just means that you can become emotional or upset and that you have complete faith in your loved one listening, helping and supporting you.

5. You expect your relationship to be easy? Ever heard anyone say “If you really love each other and are meant to be together, it will work itself out” Unfortunately it just doesn’t work that way. Nothing ever “works itself out” the problems you’re ignoring wont go away just because you would like them too or because you’re afraid. You both have to work as a team. Sweeping problems under the rug will only cause more heartache. Listen, and try to be patient and understanding.

Relationships are like a roller coaster, when everything is great you feel like your on top of the world. When we stop listening to our loved ones, stop spending quality time talking about our hopes and dreams, then our emotions feel like they have been shaken. Life isn’t meant to be an easy ride, but when we communicate and love with all our hearts, it really can be delightful.

x x x

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