Flirting

We have all been guilty of flirting, of showing some degree of interest in someone we have found attractive and interesting. A shy smile, a harmless touch or even a playful hug, we have all taken part in this instinctual game since man first walked the earth. Flirting is a basic essential mating tool that enables us all to choose a potential mate. Could you imagine what the world would be like if we didn’t sway our hips, lick our lips or make eye contact. How would anyone know if someone was interested in them? Yes, we could just walk up and be blunt but where would the fun in that be? When it comes to determining a potential partner, flirting is just another way of communicating and finding someone who compliments our personality.

Flirting can be used in many situations. You may want to change the dynamics of a relationship. You have been attracted to a close friend for some time and would like to know if that person feels the same way as you. Does he or she welcome your attention, enjoy your company or ask you to back off? You see a guy at a sporting event and after watching him interact with his friends, you find yourself wanting to get to know him. Being flirtatious is just another way to show your interest to the other person.

Flirting is also used as a means of building ones own self esteem. This can be used by someone who is not necessarily single but feels justified in the means. Not getting the attention they need, they become flirtatious around those who return there interest, filling the empty space they may feel inside. This is rather toxic behaviour and can be a cause of disagreements amongst friends and partners.

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‘Want’ is also a reason why some people will flirt, using body language to achieve something they yearn for. Flirting with a bartender or patrons to receive a free drink, flirting with a work colleague or boss to gain favour or flirting with a friend to get help to complete a specific task may seem harmless, however it can cause more harm than good. Once people realise you only intended to flirt to get something, they may retaliate by becoming rude and nasty. In my own experience I have found people with low self esteem and whom are not the smartest sparks on the planet rely on looks rather than their brains to achieve things. Anyone with any kind of intelligence will use their intellect to get the job done, pushing up cleavage and bending over in front of the boss will more than likely start a law suit rather than boost a career.

Some people flirt for fun. A bit of light hearted banter and an overly friendly hug can be forms of light flirtatious behaviour. It can be harmless fun depending on the seriousness of the attention being given and the recipient. If the person is married or in a committed relationship, being overly flirtatious may not be well received with either of the partners involved. Be aware of who you are flirting with, if they look uncomfortable then its time to back off.

The biggest misconception these days is understanding peoples intent. How do you know if someone is genuinely interested in you or just wants a free drink at the bar? The best advice I can give is that if someone is genuinely interested they will do any of the following – The person will keeping looking at you. Their body will be turned in your direction to keep you in their peripheral vision. Smiling, acting coy and moving closer to you is all a positive sign. They may wait for you to smile back or give a small wave acknowledging them. When people enter a conversation with you and are interested in you they will give there full attention. They may be nervous of fidgety but they will lean more towards you to hear everything you say. If they seem to lack interest then its time to move on.

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How to tell if the person is a player or in a relationship? The first tell tale sign is a ring, indentation or tan line on their ring finger. He or she doesn’t introduce to the friends or moves out of sight of their group, so the friends don’t ever slip up his or her behaviour. You start to interact yet they still keep their distance. This could be caution or simply a sign that they are in a relationship. Don’t take to long to find out, simply ask them why they are out and don’t be scared to ask if they are in a relationship. Don’t mistake nervous behaviour as hiding a lover, if they are nervous but can look you in the eye then its just a case of the jitters.

Is there an art to flirting? No I don’t think their is a specific formula or “art” to flirting, its rather basic really. Its simply one person wishing to clarify an attraction to someone else…and how do you know that a person is attracted to you, you watch their expressions and body language. If you have low self esteem and are not a confident individual then I could understand why you would feel shy in regards to expressing yourself. However even the most shy of people can hold a conversation and smile. Your knees may be knocking together and your palms may be sweaty but if the person is at all nice and observant, they will put you at ease and not move too fast. Hold your head high, if you find something funny then let them know. Its all about being honest, being polite and enjoying yourself.  If you see someone who catches your eye and you have been watching that person for a while, when they look your way – simply smile. If you feel like it, why not go and introduce yourself. Ask why they are there, do they live in the area?…you will never know if you don’t give it a go 😉

Flirting should be fun but you should also be aware of your surroundings. If you like someone but they wont engage in a conversation with you, move on. if the person is acting in a manner that makes you uncomfortable, move on. Its about getting to know someone who interests you, its all about being comfortable and above all, enjoying yourself 🙂

x x x

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