We have all struggled with confidence at some point in our lives, and if someone says they never have, then they are full of shi*! Confidence is in our psyche and in our soul and whether we like it or not, it plays a part in how we are seen by our friends, family and even our co-workers. I am sure you have walked into a room and seen someone standing with their head held high, looking poised and being an active participant in the conversation going on around them. That person is confident. We have all seen it, we have all been that person at some point, but have you ever taken a step back and analysed why that person is the way they are?
When I was younger I used to think it was only the really good-looking people who got anywhere. I was so stupid and naive. As I got older, and wiser, I learned that if you are polite, well spoken, assertive without being arrogant or rude, know what you are talking about and are kind, you got much further in life. Being confident is about recognising that you are just as worthy as everyone else. At some point in our lives we want to try something new, but sometimes we feel that it is just too hard or unrealistic. Or worse, we worry about failing. That feeling, those butterflies, they are completely normal. Everyone has them, yes everyone…the difference is how we deal with it.
The difference between a confident person and an unconfident person is simply that the confident person acts on their ambitions and desires and they do not allow that fear to stop them. They will walk into a room, head held high and talk to their peers. I can guarantee they will feel nervous. They may even be aware that they may not be made to feel welcome, might even be met by someone who is rude and condescending, but they will not let it hold them back.
Confidence has a lot to do with self-esteem. When we don’t feel well or are just unhappy, our self-esteem can take a nose dive. Negative events in your life such as breaking up with your partner, or being in a frustrating relationship can leave you feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes low self-esteem can be a result from an awful upbringing, being neglected or even abused. If you think this is a particular problem for you, speak to a mental healthcare professional. Self esteem plays an important part in our daily lives, and unfortunately it can reflect how a person sees his or her own worth.
To get back your self-esteem and be a more confident person, you simply need to take action. It sounds easier said than done, doesn’t it? Ultimately it starts with you. I can say from personal experience that the more you act on the things you want, the more your confidence will grow. You simply try something, and the next time round you won’t feel so overwhelmed. Each time will get easier and easier. Take it from someone who has suffered from anxiety attacks for the last 17 years, it really does get better. As I came to realise, even when I failed, I still learned a valuable lesson. The experience didn’t kill me, it didn’t go as well as I planned, but I knew better for next time.
I have made a list below of some helpful tips I felt worked for me, and hopefully they will help you build your confidence and self-esteem.
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1. Think positively about what is going on in your life. Really what is the worst thing that could happen….aliens? no, not likely 🙂 When you really ask yourself what the worst thing that could happen you get a clearer picture, a bit of fear vanishes and you discover that the potential consequences are seldom as frightening as you first thought.
2. Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Treat yourself to something new. You are fabulous, show it.
3. Pay special attention to your personal hygiene: style your hair, trim or paint your nails, floss your teeth.
4. Eat good food as part of a healthy, balanced diet. What you eat can affect your mood.
5. Exercise regularly. Go for a brisk walk at least three to four times a week.
6. Ensure that you are getting enough sleep.
7. Manage your stress levels. Talk to your partner about giving each other a massage to help take those knots out of your bunched up muscles.
8. Play uplifting/motivating music to get yourself all pumped up before you go out on a date, have a meeting or anything else that might have you feeling a tad uncomfortable.
9. Get involved in activities such as painting, music, poetry, and dance. Such artistic activities enable you to express yourself, acquire a sense of mastery, and interact positively with others. Find a class through your local adult education service or community centre.
10. Remember, the past does not equal the present. What happened last year, last month or yesterday does not equal today or tomorrow.
11. Do something nice for others. Visit a friend you haven’t seen in a while, or get involved with a local charity.
12. Try to spend more time with those you hold near and dear. As I like to remind my readers – everyone enjoys a little magic and adventure….a little romance 😉