I like to post all kinds of positive and meaningful quotes and messages on My Romance Addictions Instagram account. Some of the posts are old but incredibly powerful quotes told by poets, musicians or other influential people of years gone by. Some of the quotes are from todays celebrities and some are even thought up by me in the wee hours of the morning 🙂 Despite who ever thought up the words, the quotes are always powerful, inspiring and are posted in the hopes of making a difference. I like to think that by sharing some inspiring words, I might make a little difference to someone’s day.
One post I made recently was the quote “Find a heart that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest,” a wonderful proclamation of love and a lovely reminder of how important it is to be with someone who will hold you close, through the good times and the bad. I received a few likes and a few comments that put a smile on my face, well that was until I received these words – “There is no such love, not in this world, we can only dream about… unfortunately”. I felt awful, I really did. I wanted to brighten someones day, not make someone feel awful. So I responded with “I’m sorry you feel this way and that your life’s experiences have brought you to where you are now. For those who have loved and lost, or not experienced it yet, it can seem unobtainable. It may feel easier to mock it or question its existence but I will tell you it’s real. You just need to open your heart and mind and allow it to happen”.
His response was “I live with love and for love but no one has yet to reciprocate my true love… hard to find a romantic person, loving without limits…” I felt panicked, did I give the right advice? Could I have said more? Should I have said anything at all? I felt unsure. And the more I re-read his comments the more I wondered – why does he feel this way? Does he really think there is no such thing as love? He said he was living with love and for love, but is yet to have it returned… what has happened for him to feel this way? I was going to ask him a few more questions, but I felt unsure. Despite my good intentions, I didn’t know how he would react if I starting being nosey.
That little interaction left me wondering, why do some people feel this way? “There is no such love,” but then he said “I live with love, but no-one has yet to reciprocate […]” My brain kept ticking over. I started thinking about all the ups and downs I have experienced in my own life. All the good times as well as the bad. I thought about what my friends and family have told me over the years, little tid bits of information that have enabled me to take a closer look into their personal lives, what has gone wrong and what made them happy. I have been a sponge; watching, listening and absorbing all the information around me until I was left with the opinions I have now.
Of everyone I have met in my life, acquaintances, friends I have had along the way, friends I still have, family, distant relatives… one thing has been prominent throughout all their relationships. When they are in love, when they give it and when they receive it, they experience all that love should be. They are happy and content – they work well as a team and as a result they are able to conquer anything life throws at them. Their relationships are far from perfect, but because they share the same wants, goals and desires they are able to work their way through those challenging times. Together they both:
- Are able to discuss what they want out of life, what their common goals are and what they both wish to accomplish.
- They can talk about anything – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
- They both contribute to the relationship, whatever that happens to be.
- They encourage each other to grow and inspire each other to be a better person.
- They respect each other’s differences even if they happen to disagree on certain issues.
- They are able to discuss their personal needs and wants.
- They enjoy spending quality time together doing what they enjoy. And they also enjoy time apart doing what is important to them as an individual.
- They both respect each others relationships with family and friends, while also maintaining healthy boundaries with those seeking to threaten or manipulate their relationship.
And most importantly, they are both able to do any of the above with the utmost respect, patience and kindness, without the fear of being criticised or abused.
On those rare occasions, and despite each others best intentions, some of those I have known have separated and gone their own way. But having been in a loving, giving relationship, they have wanted to experience that again. When you experience love, and get it in return you can’t help but feel like you have the perfect life, full of excitement and happiness. But if you have had your heart broken time and time again, are in an unhappy relationship or have never experienced love to begin with, I understand why you would feel negative and lose your faith in it. Those that I have met who have been sceptical or not believed in love or romance have used their negative experiences as a shield. For some people it can be easier to mock something that hurt them than admit they might have made the wrong decision, expected too much from someone or not been a nice person.
A relative of mine told me on a recent holiday “Love is what ever you want it to be. I think love is a matter of convenience, security, being happy with someone depends on what you both want”. For as long as I have known her, she has never been content, never been truly happy with any of her boyfriends. When ever I mention romance, she laughs and rolls her eyes. I remember once, one of her boyfriends giving her a flower, and she had the same response. He looked upset by her lack of enthusiasm and joy. As far as she is concerned, love provides security, a companion of sorts…. oh and sexual fulfilment, but nothing more. She doesn’t believe in the romance, the deep sense of connection… I didn’t want to judge her, so I think I gave her a goofy look 🙂 Yes, to a point she was right. Of course we all want to feel secure, of course we all want a companion to share dinners with, and as for sex – yes, most definitely 😉 But to explain those wants without any passion, without any fun, it left me feeling sad.
Do I think everyone should be in a relationship? That they need to have someone in their lives? No, I don’t think you have to have someone just for the sake of it, but what I do wonder is why would someone not want to be with someone who makes them feel so wonderful. Love is a powerful thing. When you feel it, you feel it with every fibre in your body, all the way to your soul. It can be life changing and it can make life more meaningful and satisfying. Why would anyone not want that in their lives?
The only reason I can think of is because they have experienced something that has left them so emotionally scarred and unable to move forward that they would rather be bitter and mock those who believe in it than risk their hearts and try again. I understand that some of us are either in, or have been in an unhappy or broken relationship and as a result don’t want to take the chance of being in another miserable relationship. I get that, I have been there. I know you can get emotional support from friends and family, that you can get your rocks off with the help of Tinder and a quick hook up 🙂 But I have been there… on the opposite side of the country with nothing but the clothes on my and my 18 month old daughters back… but I wanted to experience love again.
Was it difficult to put myself back out there again, yes it was. Was it scary, yes definitely… but when I found it again I knew it was worth it. I can understand that it may feel easier to give up and not try, but by avoiding love and missing out on the chance to meet someone wonderful, you are holding yourself back from feeling one of the most remarkable, fulfilling experiences of your life. Love is within us all, whether we choose to believe in it or not. You just have to have faith and put yourself out there. A bad relationship doesn’t mean the end of the world. When you stop yourself from falling in love, you prevent your natural instincts from choosing something that could make your life a lot more meaningful. Breakups hurt, true, but true love makes it all worth it.
x x x